In a way I'm kind of used to not sleeping properly and most of my coping methods work most of the time. This is a special circumstance. I know I'm stressed and anxious, I don't deal with change and I'm not sleeping right because of it. I probably won't sleep right for weeks, if not months, because of it. I do have a prescription for sleeping pills if I need them and I hate them but I might have to rely on them for a while.
Too much of a lack of sleep makes all the other shit even harder to deal with... and as with vicious circles round and round we go.
S is also struggling to sleep properly because of the cast on her leg. She's not napping so much during the day either because she's not taking so many painkilers. S is not used to not getting enough sleep and she's getting really grouchy with it. She's also making herself wired by drinking caffeine to wake herself up but isn't doing anything to work off the energy... and so she can't sleep.
I feel really bad for her. She's has never had insomnia. She's seen me dealing with it for years and she told me that now she's experienced it just a little and has a vague idea of just some of what I go through, she told me she doesn't know how I cope. She made me cry when she cuddled me and said she was proud of me for keeping fighting through the darkness.
I feel really bad for J actually. He's got both of us suffering with sleep deprivation and being tired and irritable. How he doesn't yell at us when we're both being bitches I don't know. He just shrugs and says he knows he don't mean it, and he also said to me there'd be no point and that it would resolve anything. That man is a saint.
I probably had a point when I sat down and started to write but that was about 15 minutes ago now and I don't actually remember anymore. I'm tired, like the kind of tired where if I close my eyes too long I might actually go to sleep so I might crawl into bed. Even if all I do is nap for a few hours and I'm wide awake again after, I think that would be better than sitting here for 2 hours until 'bedtime'. I know I'm supposed to 'maintain regular sleep patterns' but I think in the current situation, sleeping when tired is more important.
It’s been an… odd couple of months, mental health wise. I’ve been struggling and trying to deny it and back on my meds for three weeks now. I had the nightmare 10 days or so of riding out the waves of side-effects. Obviously, the meds aren’t fully functioning yet but I’m starting to see some admittedly small changes.
This week… this week has been very stressful at work.
Facilities me has been run off her feet sorting out the after effects of a fire in the warehouse.
Finance me has had some pretty epic yelling suppliers. There have been tears and there have been tantrums!
It all came to a head on Thursday afternoon. I snapped at a supplier on the phone, I hid in the loo and cried multiple times. I ate my weight in chocolate a few times over. I was… shall we actively fighting the urge to do something stupid. I mostly achieved it.
Throw in a hellish drive down to London on Friday (it took me 7 hours to drive 170 miles!) and the weather at the weekend and I almost said fuck it and didn’t go.
But I did.
Saturday, in an utterly shocking statement, I went to a Raintown gig. They were playing in Canada Square as part of Nashville meets London. Kicked the whole thing off which was AWESOME. It was slightly damp in the way that I was soaked through my pac-a-mac. I’d hit the point I was completely drenched, couldn’t physically get any wetter.
I just… I let go. I was singing my heart out, crying my eyes out, laughing, and just… yeah dancing in the rain. It was what I needed.
In the past I'd done it episode by episode but that changed when I got my new laptop. When I went to download and install the software I've been using for the downloading, all the security software practically had a stroke and started popping up messages that I'd have to disable stuff, yadda, yadda. Um...yeah...I'm not going to do that. I just stuck to using my old laptop to do it but that's a bit of a pain. Since I'm not using it regularly, it always has something (most often Norton) that has to update RIGHT NOW! when I turn it on which is why I've been putting off downloading the episodes. I just don't want to deal with that.
So, back to the crux of my problem...do I get the 7 episodes tonight or just wait 2 weeks and get the remaining 9 all at the same time?
If anyone is interested, this is it:
So, it's fairly easy as far as I get it
I created this artwork for LFCC so that da man has something nice to sign. It's a crossover between Sea Shepherd and Stargate. Please credit to annejack if you want to share/repost it anywhere, thank youuu.
Story Title: An Unexpected Legacy
Author: Topazowl (Topazowlet on AO3)
Characters/Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O’Neill, Cassandra Fraiser, Samantha Carter, Teal’c, Cameron Mitchell, Vala Mal Doran, General Hank Landry, M Sgt’s Harriman and Siler, Colonel Paul Davis, Dr Carolyn Lamb, mention of Dr Janet Fraiser (deceased), Major Jennifer Hailey, Dr Julian Maynard (OC), President Henry Hayes
Word Count: 12577
Beta: Solstice Winter to whom I am very grateful for checking my work. Please bear in mind that I am British and, although I have a beta who is living in America, I still use some British idioms and those are all mine (eg, the hob is the top of a cooker!).
Summary: Daniel and Jack start a family but someone is threatening their future
Notes: The story starts in the summer of 2007 after the Ark of Truth and is not quite canon so I suppose it’s AU. Daniel is still nominally part of SG1 as are Sam and Teal’c but they all have other duties/responsibilities but Sam doesn’t go to Atlantis until part 2. Mitchell and Vala often take Major Jennifer Hailey and an archaeologist and linguist named Dr Julian Maynard (my own character) when they go off-world. Jack is head of Homeworld Security but has moved the HQ to Cheyenne Mountain and is living with Daniel, quietly! DADT has been repealed (earlier than in the Stargate World) but they are not broadcasting their relationship. Landry still (nominally as Jack is on-site) runs the SGC with Dr Carolyn Lam as CMO. Siler, Harriman etc will all make appearances in their usual capacities. I have had to fudge Cassandra’s age to fit in with this and am ignoring Continuum for now – as it involves time travel, it could actually happen at any time!:
Archived at AO3: "Janet's Legacy"
Image by: Sexycazzycazzy_stories to whom I am grateful for the inspiration
Summary: It's too short for one. Someday I may make it longer
“Ok, Daniel. You’ll need to keep the dressing dry.” Janet finished taping the dressing in question on Daniel’s hand. “Some of the blisters are open so you’ll need to keep a watch for infection.” She put the roll of adhesive tape down and looked between Daniel who was sitting on the exam bed gently flexing the fingers of his bandaged hand and Jack who stood nearby. “So, do either of you care to try to explain exactly why it is you have second degree burns on that hand?”
“Um…” Daniel said as he looked guiltily in Jack’s direction. “Well, Jack had some chicken on the grill and I was watching it for him.”
Janet waited for Daniel to go on but he stopped there looking over to Jack again. “So you decided to turn it over with your bare hand?" she prompted with a smile.
Daniel’s eyes widened slightly at Janet’s joke. “Um…well…”
“It’s not his fault, Doc,” Jack chimed in. “I distracted him so he wasn't paying attention and...well...you know how hot those grills can get."
"Mmm hmmm," Janet agreed. "I suggest you be a little more careful about distractions in the future."
"Um...yeah," Daniel agreed quickly hopping down from the exam bed. From the smirk on Janet's face, he guessed she had a good idea what the distraction might have been but only 'Don't ask. Don't tell.' stopped her from saying anything.